


joke's on you

by bringnsexsebaek



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Kinda, M/M, Office, Office AU, OfficeAU, Sebaek - Freeform, Silly, idk - Freeform, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-26 00:09:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20380417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bringnsexsebaek/pseuds/bringnsexsebaek
Summary: whenever Baekhyun runs into Oh Sehun--sometimes even literally--he is always left annoyed. how anyone sees anything good in the man, Baekhyun couldn't even try to understand. when a lunch thief joins the mix, things seem to get even worse for him.in time, he'll learn to see things differently. but for now, he'll be as grumpy and judgmental as he pleases





	joke's on you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [baeksdoodle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeksdoodle/gifts).

> sorry I took so long, and I hope you will like it if even a little bit. Ty for waiting~ 
> 
> the following contains:
> 
> lotsa swearing  
lotsa ridiculousness  
maybe bit too random & rushed at the end
> 
> NEVERTHELESS  
I HOPE THAT YOU WILL STILL ENJOY  
thank you for reading & commenting & whatever else  
^-^ <3
> 
> And many special thanks to my bf, who gave me the title and lots of ideas c:

_ Mocha… Macchiato. Mocha… Macchiato. Refresher? No, no, no. Mocha. Macchiato?  _ ** _Shit. _ **

_ Why do I have to order my own coffee again!? When was that position going to get filled? For fuck’s sake. It's been  _ ** _three. Weeks. _ **

Baekhyun finally stepped forward to order. He almost felt a sting of guilt, for the barista’s face immediately lit up with relief.  _ Had he really taken that lo-- _

_ Smack.  _ The tail of a coat whipped across his face, stopping him in his advance towards the counter. It was as if he had been harshly backhanded, when in reality it was just a slight brush of fabric. But in Baekhyun’s mind, that equated to the ultimate insult. The greatest affront to his person. Whoever had wronged him in such a way surely was going to hear it from hi--

“Sehun-ah!!” The barista was actually hopping up and down. Like a bunny desperate to reach a carrot dangled centimeters from its mouth. It was childish, sure, but it was also successful in melting the stubborn ice around Baekhyun's heart. At least… one percent of it. Which could still be considered an accomplishment, given the extent to which his heart was covered. 

“Seokie!” The barista's cheeks were promptly squished, and Baekhyun couldn't decide whether to smile or roll his eyes once he heard the responding giggle. The default was the latter, so that's what he went with. 

He tapped his foot with impatience as Sehun took his time chatting up the only worker present at the counter, and tapped it with more urgency when, upon completing his order, the rude customer still didn't budge.

Baekhyun then resorted to clearing his throat, which earned him a momentary glance his way. 

“Oh.”

_ Yeah, idiot. You aren't the only customer in here. _

To his credit, Sehun did step aside, but he still commandeered 90% of the barista's attention, even while Baekhyun was attempting to interact with him. 

When Baekhyun finally received his latte (yes, he went with a latte. Because he was a bit bitter that day.), he grumbled to himself and took a big sip. He had gotten quite dehydrated with all the screaming that had taken place in his head.

The majority of that big sip decided to make its home on his shirt.

“Great. Just great.”

“Have a great day!” The barista called out, as Baekhyun left the cafè without even bothering to clean himself up. He didn't care much at this point.

“Yeah.  _ Great.” _

~~~

Later that week, Baekhyun made his routine shopping visit. Ideally, he wished to buy some things he could cook meals with, but knowing himself, microwavable food was the likelier option. Still, he was determined to invest in both. 

It wasn't until the freezer section that his expression turned cold. 

One cart. Front and center. Directly in front of the microwavable Mexican food, and the noodle dishes. Yes, in front of both. Because the cart was in front of the freezers on the left as well as the freezers on the right. The cart, and its owner. Because he was next to the cart. And he was texting on his phone. And he was taking up all of the space of the aisle. 

Byun Baekhyun wanted himself some enchiladas. Maybe some ice cream, too, but he'd get to that later.

Enchiladas.

“Excuse me.” He announced his presence, as politely as possible. At least, he  _ thought  _ he sounded polite. He probably didn't. At all. 

Still more polite than the man in his way, because he received no reaction whatsoever. 

_ “Hello?” _

Still no answer.

Baekhyun tapped on the man's shoulder with considerable strength. The man almost dropped his phone, he was so startled. He turned to face Baekhyun with the most out-of-it look. 

“Yeah?”

Baekhyun blinked. Slowly. He probably appeared to be even  _ more  _ out of it, but at the moment? He kind of was. 

“You.”

“Me?” The man didn't appear to recognize him. 

“You… you… you…”

An eyebrow arched up, but to his credit, he was rather patient. 

Baekhyun finally settled on pretending as if they hadn't met before. As if that guy's coat hadn't been well-acquainted with his face. In fact, he was wearing the same coat right now.  _ Am I really not memorable? At all? _

“You're in the way.” 

“Oh.”  _ That same fucking Oh.  _ “Sorry.” Again, he moved aside. 

... Closer to the enchiladas.

“No, no, no…” It took Baekhyun all the willpower he had (not very much) not to facepalm. “Please move the other way.”

Sehun nodded, and dragged his cart to the right. It made a horrible screeching sound, and Baekhyun's temple pulsed as he clenched his teeth with all the strength he had (actually a lot). 

There was one more problem, when Baekhyun finally got to the freezer doors.

...he no longer wanted enchiladas.

~~~

Baekhyun wasn't even surprised anymore, when he spotted Sehun yet again. His week was already going so terribly. Of  _ course  _ he had to run into this idiot. Literally. 

I mean... His car had broken down. His favorite shirt had gotten ripped in a very visible place, and so… he couldn't exactly wear it to work anymore. A hole right in his chest… of the shirt, clearly. Although it did feel like there was a hole in his heart, as well. That, and he and his employees were beginning to get rather restless and irritated. Because they were all expected to pick up some tasks that in reality, should have been fulfilled by another person entirely. Complaint after complaint after complaint. As if he were the one neglecting to hire someone. 

And now he had to take public transportation, which was neither clean nor quiet. In other words, Baekhyun was cringing and internally crying as he stepped closer to the steps leading onto the bus. Just one person ahead of him, and then he'd be in the claustrophobia-inducing, nose-scrunching environment. 

_ Fwomp. _

Now his face was acquainted with somebody's back. His nose was pink, but not in a cute way. The shade of pain. And his fists were another display of his displeasure with this turn of events.

“Ex _ cuse _ me?” He sounded a bit whiny, but he couldn't help it.  _ His nose fucking  _ **hurt.**

“Sorry, I dropped my card.” The man fumbled around for a few seconds before successfully getting the card reader to register it. And then he slowly made his way towards the back of the bus, Baekhyun grumbling as he matched the horrid pace. He didn't appear to be disabled in any way… 

_ Oh, God, when did I become so judgmental of strangers? When I know absolutely nothing of their life?  _

The man sat down, finally, and now it was Baekhyun's turn to abruptly stop. Thankfully, there was no one behind him. 

“You?”

He didn't even sound angry. Just disheartened.  _ Why did he have to keep seeing this idiot? Why was the world so cruel. _

“Oh!” The most pleasant ‘oh’ that the man had ever produced in Baekhyun's presence. “Grocery guy.”

The bus started back up. Baekhyun jolted forward, barely catching himself on the back of the seat directly adjacent to Sehun's. He decided he better sit down before something else of his decided to break… perhaps a bone?

_ I'll move at the next stop. _

He didn't meet Sehun's eyes. **Grocery** _guy? Of all the names he could have used…_

“Road hog.”

Confusion registered on Sehun's face. “You play Overwatch?”

Now Baekhyun was confused. ““I play  _ what?” _

They fell into an uncomfortable silence. After a minute, Baekhyun’s ears caught the slightest of sighs. He shifted in his seat, sighting Sehun peering out the window with considerable strain in his expression. He found himself analyzing the lines of stress, somehow curious, and yet, he was still surprised when Sehun’s gaze met his. 

_ Newsflash, genius, people can usually sense when someone is staring at them.  _

He looked tired. Baekhyun blinked a few times, vaguely feeling regret at all of the negativity in his mind he'd been sending Sehun's way. The same thought from earlier flashed through his head.

_ What right did he have to judge someone so harshly, when he didn't know their condition, or circumstances in life?  _

“Pretty, huh?”

_ Wait. _

_ “You?” _

“Yeah.” It was as if Sehun had dipped his face in the Fountain of Youth. His eyes were shining with mischievous intent. “Why else would you be sitting so close? Staring so hard?”

Baekhyun's sympathy setting vibrated angrily out of existence. The wondering warmth settled back into cold. Heart was cold… expression was cold.

“I was just wondering why your face has all the wrinkles of an 80-year-old man.” 

Even though the bus was still moving, Baekhyun decided that this was prime time to change seats. He rose to his feet, and promptly tripped over them to the far end of the bus. After he was seated in a more stable manner, he glanced Sehun's way. Expecting him to be laughing, judging. 

Instead, he was staring, scandalized, at the seat Baekhyun had just vacated. Face frozen in complete and utter shock. 

It was Baekhyun's first victory of the day. Of the week? Of the  _ month?  _

It didn't matter.

_ I've stillll got it. _

~~~

The meeting room flickered with unreliable light. Many empty seats filled the space between him and the general manager. Was this a passive-aggressive reminder of Baekhyun's place in the company? Or just a coincidence? His gaze swept over the counter. There was a box of stale, shitty C-grade level pastries. A likely empty coffee canister. That, or not nearly enough to make a full pot. Crumbs?  _ When was she going to say anything!?  _ There was only so much of the room that Baekhyun had yet to look at. The calendar was still stuck on the previous month, although at this point they were halfway through October.  _ That curled-up cat was pretty damn cute, though.  _

Baekhyun made a mental note to look into adopting a cat. He made an additional note, to bring some work to read over next time. For the general manager was still flipping through papers. Stalling for time?

_ Does she want to fire me or something? _

“We've found our new hire.” 

Finally. The words Baekhyun had been waiting so long to hear _ .  _ (Not just these past few minutes, but… like… days and days and days). 

_ The words you've been waiting to hear? What about “you're so perfect, Baekhyun, I love you so much”? _

_ ...Shut up, brain.  _

“That's great!”  _ It's only been a  _ **month. ** “When do they start?” 

She shut her folder, sliding it Baekhyun's way as she sent him an agreeable smile. “Today! I'll leave it to you to introduce him to the team. His resume and other files are in here.”

Baekhyun opened it up, not bothering to hide his eager expression. He was just glad that someone would be around to fix and prepare things that no one else was qualified (or willing) to do. 

He shouldn't have had such a bright look on his face, because that made it all the more difficult once his eyes caught sight of the name at the top of the file.

_ Oh Sehun.  _

“Oh.” It was a somewhat neutral “oh”. But why did he have to say exactly what that man always did!? It made him sound so brainless. 

“Mhm, Oh Sehun! He proved to be a very promising candidate. Experience with small repairs. Organization. Worked for a postal service for three years. He can keep the facility clean, running, and uncluttered. And prevent any sort of confusion with packages and whatnot. I know that you all have been having trouble keeping up with everything. Especially with all the Kim J’s here.”

Baekhyun merely resorted to nodding. Nod, nod, nod, nod, nod. Listening, albeit reluctantly. The manager neither seemed to mind nor notice, and soon the meeting had concluded, and Baekhyun was left to start his work day. Soon, the other employees would be arriving, including an Oh Sehun.

_ Maybe it's another Sehun.  _ The optimistic side of his brain thought.

_ Knowing my luck, that's impossible. _

~~~

Three days passed. Baekhyun began to think that maybe, just maybe, this would be… bearable. He rarely saw Oh Sehun, and the few times that he did, Sehun was preoccupied with a task or person other than himself. There had been no interactions since the introduction, and Baekhyun was finally learning how to relax. 

When he was on his break--the time he was “legally allowed” to relax--he was actually looking  _ forward  _ to eating his apple. 

_ And you thought eating healthy would be har-- _

Wait. Where was it?

_ Did my fatass self decide my (admittedly non-existent) healthy self wasn't gonna eat it? Did I leave it at home? _

Baekhyun started moving everything around in the fridge, even taking some larger items out in order to increase visibility. 

“Whatcha looking for?”

Baekhyun almost dropped the sandwich in his hand. Slowly, he swiveled around on his foot. There stood Sehun by the doorway, a small package balanced on his hip. 

“My apple.” He answered, neither sounding particularly friendly nor particularly rude.

Sehun momentarily set the package on one of the tables, stepping over to take a peek inside the fridge.

“There's a banana.” He pointed out helpfully. “Right there.” He straightened back up, looking at Baekhyun almost as if he were… searching for approval?

Baekhyun blinked. He just… blinked.  _ How could someone be so  _ stupid!?

“I guess I never got the memo that bananas and apples are now considered to be the same exact fruit.” He set the sandwich back on the shelf. “Thanks.”

And Sehun? He laughed. He just  _ laughed.  _ He slid the package a little closer to Baekhyun as he made his way out of the break room. “This is for you, by the way.” 

“Thanks.” Baekhyun repeated himself, a little less sarcastically. But not by much. 

Baekhyun  _ seeeriously  _ wished there was a transcript of how Sehun’s interview had gone. Because how in the  _ hell  _ did he manage to get hired!?

“Give me an example of how you went above and beyond to make sure someone was exceptionally happy?”

“Sometimes I do my chores before my mother threatens to throw me out for being a lazy, no-good, piece of shi-”

No, that was a boring stereotype. We can be more creative with our insults. Wait… “we”? What am I--Gollum?

“Baekhyun?” One of his employees stood meekly in the doorway, propping the door open with his heel. “There's a client waiting for you.” 

He took a glance at his watch.  _ Oh.  _ Thirteen minutes had already passed. Although he was--in a way--a boss, he was still required to adhere to employee regulations. A.k.a., his break was over… three minutes ago. Had he really wasted all that time complaining in his mind about a near-stranger? 

_ Had the fridge really been open this whole time? _

He grumpily shoved it shut, taking care not to let annoyance creep into his tone. 

“I'll be right there. Thank you.”

Maybe later he could ask his employees how Sehun was doing so far. 

~~~

“Great.”

“Wonderful!”

“He helps me with computer stuff even though he's not IT.” 

“He has a new joke every day.”

Baekhyun scoffed. “Are you sure he doesn't just look them up on the internet?” 

Jongin simply shrugged. “I don't know. He comes up with some pretty good puns on the spot, though.”

He grumbled to himself. “He probably memorizes them and saves them for the right opportunity.”

Jongin didn't turn his head from where he was “reading” company spreadsheets while doodling absurdly fluffy dogs on the paper in front of him. “What was that?”

A roll of his eyes. “Nothing. Keep up the great work.”

Jongin gave an absentminded hum. “Already finished it.” 

Baekhyun looked at his watch again. “It's… 11:30.” 

Jongin actually turned around this time. “And?”

“You're too smart to work here. I can either give you more work or you can… go home. Just don't forget we have a meeting 9 am tomorrow.”

Jongin groaned but otherwise made no comment. “Just let me finish this…”

Wasn't really an answer, but Baekhyun decided to let him be. He had a long day of nothing ahead of him.

The first thing Baekhyun noticed when he stepped into the break room was not the exhausted faces staring--glaring?--back at him, but the absolutely intoxicating aroma that gently tingled his senses and shifted his goals for the day to: 

  1. Consume,
  2. Consume, and
  3. Consume… all of it.

His gaze narrowed at the center of the table, where there sat an assortment of freshly baked…

_ Danishes. My one weakness. _

_ “Besides Oh Sehun.”  _ His mind decided to remind him.

His first course of action was to take two into his han--wait.  _ Ugh.  _ He had to set them down. And then set down his belongings. And then pick up the danishes again, this time one in each fist.

“Jongdae, could you start up the presentation for me?”

One bite of each. “As you can see,” Baekhyun used the raspberry danish to motion at the graphic on the screen. “I am very professional. Not approachable at all. Nope.”  _ Munch. _

“No, but really, the company is doing great. Our sales are up 17%, and customer satisfaction is up 24. Jongin, if you’d like to say a few words?”

Now he could focus on  **the consumption. ** He vaguely noted Jongin’s compliments and constructive criticism in the background, but he was far too busy complimenting the danishes, in his mind. 

“Do you know who brought these?” He whispered to Junmyeon, who, truthfully, had been working there longer than he had, but had no interest in higher level management. He was one of  _ those  _ people, who actually  _ enjoyed  _ customer service. 

“No idea. But I can find out for you?”

“No… no.” Baekhyun glanced down at his waistline. “It’s probably best that I don’t.” 

Junmyeon sent him a skeptical look. “Byun.” A gentle poke to his side. “You’re fine.”

He was gifted the most genuine smile Baekhyun had gifted for quite some time. 

“Thank you.” He whispered, and he then decided to give Jongin the full attention that he deserved.

~~~

Even if his weight were not a concern, overall level of health still was. And, thus, he embarked on the fantastic journey that was eating a salad. He’d get to the nummier snacks later. And his salad was appetizing… enough. Olives, shredded cheese, other veggies… croutons… Everything to cover up the taste of dead leaves. What would negate that the most was the cute little container filled with ranch that he had set… beside…

_ What? Where had he set it!? _

Again, thorough rearranging of the fridge, with rising agitation in its wake. He decided to survey the entire room. Maybe he hadn’t put it in the fridge at all. He chose to ignore the fact that it wouldn’t even be edible at this point if that were the case. 

_ Ah! There it was! _

In…

The…

Sink?

He gently took Darth Vader into his hands. Turned him to the side, where the container was more see-through. It was mostly empty, but some nasty old ranch bits still clung to the edges. 

“Who did this to you!?” He demanded, in a deadly whisper. He opened it up, sorrowfully rinsing it out and wrinkling his nose at the smell that it brought.

“Cruel. Cruel and  _ unusual. _ ” Baekhyun was left to eat his salad with a pout on his face, for salad without dressing was just thinly-kaled torture.

_ Kaled… like veiled.  _ Baekhyun snickered sadly to himself. No one was there to share it with.

He lifted his gaze, and caught Sehun walking by with a utility belt and stepladder under his arm.

_ Even worse than no one. _

When he went back to the fridge to eat some well-deserved cheesecake, he noticed one of those tiny, tiny post-it notes caught underneath the bottom of a juice bottle. It had gotten a bit damp, so it was difficult to read at first.

**needed dip for mah chicken strips**

**will replace!**

His anger… grew. He stuck the note in his pocket and vowed to stakeout the lunchroom as best he could the following day. 

  
  


~~~

  
  


“Why are you sitting here?” Yixing asked, not in annoyance but rather, out of curiosity.

“I want to interact more with everyone! Make them feel more comfortable around me. Bring their concerns to me.” A bullshit answer, but a nice one nevertheless. An added bonus, in his opinion. 

The main purpose to his relocating was to get a better view of the breakroom.

He did this three days in a row, to no avail. He wasn’t getting enough work done out here, so he gave up and returned to his office. The next day, a full bottle of ranch was found in the fridge, with a note that said:

**for you! =D **

Baekhyun began to peel the note off, to keep. He thought it was a sweet gesture. A full bottle in exchange for a small portion borrowed. He got the note completely off, and noticed some more characters underneath. Typed. Stating that…

This ranch bottle? Sweet gesture? No. Why? 

It was expired. 

He wrote his own note:  **thanks for the expired ranch. Really. So. very. Kind. of. You.**

His anger?  _ GREW. _

  
  


~~~

  
  


Another meeting, another danish. Or was it… three. Junmyeon watched him scarf them down with a smile. He rolled on over and whispered in Baekhyun’s ear:

“I saw the errand boy bring them in early.”

The one employee that was not included in their meetings. Then again, he wasn't directly involved in their work, either. Baekhyun doubted he knew the slightest thing about it despite overhearing snippets of conversation throughout completing his own assigned tasks. 

“Really!? From where???”

There was some hesitation in the response. “That I'm not sure of… He just brought in a large paper bag.”

“Be right back; gonna do dig through the trash.”

No one dared question what he was doing (and thankfully, he was searching in the recycling bin so it wasn't wet and sticky and all other sorts of gross) but all eyes certainly were on him instead of the presentation. 

“Aha!”

Jongdae paused in his sentence, raising an eyebrow at him. “Did you come up with a solution, boss?”

Baekhyun had, unfortunately, not been following along. “We need to cut down on waste.” He lifted up the bag, as demonstration. There were murmurs of agreement. “That's a start.”

Others began discussing amongst themselves additional solutions, and Baekhyun brought the bag back to his desk.

“What was he asking about?” He quietly asked Junmyeon, who he knew would never give away his secret.

“Oh, just some ways to save money and increase--”

_ “Damn  _ it!”

The bag was from Home Depot. Baekhyun sincerely doubted Home Depot sold danishes. Unless it was taking some sort of pointers from Ikea and decided food was a good idea (it's always a good idea). But why… danishes?

Even by the end of the day, Baekhyun was still wondering what their origin was. He  _ had  _ to know. They were the most delicious things he had ever tasted. And he had once locked lips with a model. 

Granted, it had been a department store model, and one of the more average-looking ones at that, but… 

_ You get my point. _

There was only one way to find out. 

  
  


~~~

  
  


The night before their next meeting, Baekhyun followed Sehun home. No, he had not been propositioned. And no, he had not asked permission. And… Yes… Baekhyun was beginning to realize that this might come across as criminally motivated… but…

** _Danish. _ ** Baekhyun imagined the fruit loop meme cat and tried to find an amusing way to replace “loop” with “danish” but he really couldn't. He couldn't. He didn't know why he tried to keep up with the internet. That meme was probably years old anyways. Whatever. Old things always made him laugh... Maybe that's why he laughed whenever he looked in the mirror. 

_ Thank God he takes the bus. And that he's oblivious as shit. _

Half an hour passed. He saw Sehun get up, so he exited at the same stop. Then they were walking…

...for twenty more minutes…

_ Why didn't he just ride the bus farther what the fuck. _

Finally. He was taking out his key… Wait. Wallet?

Oh. He was entering a store. Not an apartment. 

_ Can we just hurry this up, please… _

Baekhyun bought a candy bar. For his troubles. And a strawberry milk… because he was thirsty after so much exercise. 

Thankfully, Sehun didn't take as long as predicted. And then it was back to the innocent stalking.

Finally, it  _ was _ the keys that were taken out. Apparently Sehun was renting some sorta small house-- _ how could he afford that? _ \--and he was humming something as he went inside. Baekhyun could still hear it after the door shut.

_ I guess he kept his window cracked… That's… Not so safe. _

_ Why am I worrying about his safety, even!?  _

A soft singing drifted out said window. “Daaaanish, oh, daaanish, how I wish you knew. How taaaasty a paaastry you turn, turn into.” 

Baekhyun waited a moment. Did he… Buy danishes at that store he'd been in!?

He rushed back, looking in the bakery section. The only danishes he could see were… Sorry excuses. 

Baekhyun bought them anyways. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe they were the same… Even though they looked as realistic as Barbie doll proportions. Seriously. Did they bake with playdough here?

But when he went home and popped one in his mouth, he immediately spit it out. Directly on the table.

What a great night. Waste of time and money.

He blamed it on Sehun.

But the next morning, he was there earlier. Just to spy on the man again. Sehun had the danishes in Tupperware containers, not store-bought plastic ones. 

Baekhyun also noticed that he set them out with bare hands, but that wasn't going to stop him from consuming them later. 

Now, Baekhyun was no detective, but he did suspect one thing. That these were handmade danishes. By

…  _ Sehun.  _

_ How could he make something so delicious.  _ Additionally, what else was he capable of baking?

Danishes were his favorite pastry but he was willing to try any and anything else that thought itself a worthy competitor. 

Baekhyun took one last look at the meeting room. Sehun was straightening chairs and wiping down surfaces--stuff that was not part of his job description. He wasn't even supposed to be there yet.

_ Well, neither am I.  _ Baekhyun went back to his browsing. 

In reality, he was waiting for Sehun to leave. Only Sehun knew how many danishes there were (if he could even count), so if one (or some) went missing before the meeting… 

So be it.

  
  


~~~

  
  


“Hey, so it’s like employee appreciation week and I want you to know how much you’re appreciated so I’ll be going to each of you individually throughout the day and… yeah. Expect something  _ great.” _

They all nodded, and blinked, expecting… nothing. Suspecting… nothing. 

He started with Luhan, although he hadn’t spoken with him much. After stalking his Facebook-- _ was he allowed to do that?-- _ he gathered a list of his interests. And bought gifts accordingly.

“You’re still relatively new here.”

“Yeah!” Luhan smiled more with his eyes than with his lips. It came naturally, and induced the same response in the viewer. “Two months, now?”

Baekhyun brought his rolling chair over, and settled into it, on the leftmost side of the desk, where Luhan’s papers lay. He set his own down beside them. “And you’re doing great. Is there anything I can do to make the work environment better for you?”

Luhan appeared to be pleasantly surprised. “No, not really, but I do appreciate you asking.”

“Here,” Baekhyun handed over a gift bag marked especially for him. “This is for you.”

Luhan stared at it with careful anticipation. The urge to open mingled with the urge to be polite and wait until later. 

“You can open it now.” Baekhyun pretended to shuffle through his things as Luhan eagerly complied. But, in reality, he was taking a glance at Luhan’s papers, and comparing it to the post-its he had been finding in the fridge. Luhan’s somehow still legible scribbles did not match the careful script of the post-its he’d saved. 

Next came Jongin.

“You’re a very efficient worker. Do you mind if I see your notes? There might be some tips there for me.”

Jongin sloooowly lifted a brow, uncertainty clear on his face.

_ Oh,  _ ** _shit. _ **

“You just want to see my dogs, don’t you?”

Now Baekhyun looked unsure. “Do… oh! Your doodles… I mean…” A small smile. “Maybe.”

Jongin’s expression brightened. “Of course I’ll show you!” Then, briefly, his expression darkened. “But they’re not doodles. It’s called--” His voice picked up an extravagant, leisurely tone. “--‘realistic expression’.”

“Uh huh, uh huh.” Baekhyun pretended to understand, all the while taking his time to critically analyze the handwriting before him. He did get distracted by the drawings, but only after determining that Jongin most certainly was not the culprit.

_ Thank God. He's too sweet for that. _

“These are amazing! Let me know if you ever decide to do commissions.”

Although Baekhyun probably would lie (hell, he'd lied just a second ago) to get Jongin to beam like that, it made it all the better knowing that those last words? He had meant them. And that beam only increased in intensity as Jongin opened his gift.

Baekhyun took his time meeting with all of his other employees. Not just because he was on a mission, but also because he realized he actually really enjoyed talking with all of them. He wished he did so more often.

But… Oh, right… deadlines. 

Although his plan had seemed foolproof, it had not resulted in any leads. All that time wasted only lead to him remembering how much he had left to do in the office with so few hours remaining in the day.

“Good thing I'm salaried,” he huffed to himself as he dragged himself back to his desk. “Doesn't matter how long I stay here…”

When he glanced up from his work ten minutes later, he noticed that the lights outside his office were dimmed and that all other seats were vacant. His gaze shifted to the clock. 

So maybe it had been a little more than ten minutes.

Baekhyun may have been salaried, but Sehun certainly wasn't. So… Why was he at Junmyeon’s desk? Messing… with his stu--

_ Wait. _

“Hey!” Baekhyun ran out there, startling Sehun so badly he almost slammed one of his hands in a printer door. “What are you doing!? Stealing company secrets!?”

Sehun swore oh so professionally under his breath. “No, I just heard Junmyeon complaining that the printer wasn't working and he was stressed he wouldn't be able to make enough copies in the morning.” 

Baekhyun took a second to register that he may have jumped to the most minor of conclusions. “Just as bad, Sehun. Working off the clock. You could really get in trouble for that.”

“Isn't it up to you whether I get in trouble or not?”

Another second. Baekhyun felt some sweat gather under his collar.

“Oh, I… Suppose so. Just… Don't do this again, okay? It's not any sort of emergency, and if it were, I could call someone else for it.”

Sehun just nodded, not meeting his eyes. His expression was a little difficult to decipher. Baekhyun wasn't sure if he was taking the warning seriously.

“Sehun?  _ Hello?” _

“Oh, I… Yeah, I understand. Sorry, I'm just--” 

Baekhyun cleared his throat, not wanting to suffer a second longer with such awkwardness. “What's wrong?”

Sehun finally looked at him. “I'm a little disappointed that I didn't get a gift? I know I'm new here, and that I'm not exactly as integral of a puzzle piece to the company or anything, but I… I don't know. I want to be a part of things.” 

Baekhyun hadn't been prepared for such honesty. Or such eye contact, for that matter. The man was really holding it.

“I… wait. I do have something for you.”

Baekhyun rushed into his office, taking probably a good five minutes to throw some random shit together. 

An unopened bag of Swedish fish in his desk drawer. A weird-looking but still somehow sorta cute solar dancing bear. A well-loved rainbow Slinky. His internal panic rose when he began to run out of ideas… What else… What else…

Oh! This book he had been meaning to read but hadn't gotten around to yet. Something about understanding your cat better or whatever. Really he had bought it to read whenever he took a shit, but he was always power-walking to the restroom and didn't remember its existence until he was seated in the stall.

Thankfully, smartphones existed. So he just read some other irrelevant stuff on his phone for those few minutes and promptly forgot about the book’s existence again while washing his hands.

So… That. And… And… 

Baekhyun couldn't really explain why he had mini colored pencils and markers mixed in with his office supplies, but the dollar store was literally next door to his apartment, so who could really blame him? Miniature stuff was adorable. Baekhyun liked to think his short stature meant he was cute as fuck. 

Throw it in one of the extra gift bags (no tissue paper left, unfortunately) and voila! An actually halfway decent gift he could give.

_ I can't believe I'm actually trying to get this guy to smile. It's only because I don't want HR biting me in the ass later… _

Sehun was beyond pleased. 

“This is my favorite candy! And favorite animal… How did you know!?” A cheeky smile crept on his face. “Did you stalk me~?” 

Baekhyun immediately turned pink. Good thing it was so dark out here. “Of… Of course not! I would never!”

“I was just kidding, Byun.”  _ Dear God. I thought he  _ knew  _ for a second there…  _ “Thank you.” He took out a tiny pencil and marveled at it in his hand. He had… a cute, childish expression on his face. “My sister will love this.”

Baekhyun felt awkward again. Especially at the mention of Sehun having a family. He didn't want to think about that. Too personal, and too humanizing. Why would he give it to his sister? Did she live with him? Now his head was getting filled with questions he had no reason to ask. “Yeah, no, it's nothing. I'm sorry you felt left out. I… better go. Good night.”

He basically ran out of there. He even left his briefcase. Just… Was he actually such a bad boss? He let his personal feelings get in the way, when no matter what, he should be treating people the same. He vowed to include Sehun in future meetings, even if it wasn't quite his line of work. Who knows… maybe he could qualify for a promotion at some point in the future. Baekhyun wasn't going to deny him experience. Or fair treatment. Not anymore. No personal feelings getting in the way anymore.

  
  


~~~

  
  


"YOU!!!" He screeched, with full-blown hatred flying off his tongue. 

His target answered with much less volume, and much less concern. He was even in the middle of chewing. "Huh?"

Baekhyun also dropped his voice. He sounded… betrayed. "It's... you? Of course it is…” He let all of his repressed feelings come rushing back. “You're a total idiot."

"Hey, now.”  _ Was this asshole  _ really  _ going to try to justify his actions!?  _ “I'm probably more like... 80% idiot."

Baekhyun barely kept his comment under his breath. “...doesn't even know how to properly defend himself…”   


"So... what did I do?"   


Baekhyun just stared pointedly at the food in Sehun's hand.   


"Hungry?" Sehun held the sandwich out towards him.    


"I GIVE UP! Holy  _ shit _ ; I give up… You don't even know what you did wrong!"    


"Probably because I do too many things wrong to keep track.” Still so nonchalant. 

_ Could he really be this heartless?  _   


"Stop eating that."   


Sehun actually listened. He didn't even finish chewing the bite in his mouth, which made for a rather nasty reply. "Why?"   


"Because it's not yours."   


"Ahm just bohhwohhwing." Sehun genuinely looked unbothered by it all and just kept the leftover food in his cheeks, which only enraged Baekhyun further. 

If there was one thing Baekhyun knew about Sehun, it was that he didn't seem to notice much of anything. For example, he didn't seem to notice that Baekhyun was starting to get a  _ veeery  _ angry face. It wasn't until it reached its absolute highest level of rage that it actually seemed to scare Sehun, given the way his eyes widened and his fingers lost their grip on the food entirely. It fell to the floor, completely wasted, and Sehun was barely able to speak two and a half words: "five second ru--?" before Baekhyun was barreling over to him, and almost barreling him over.    


"Oh, fuck." Sehun clambered up onto the counter, heavily considering continuing his ascent to the top of the fridge, while Baekhyun glared up at him, hands clenched into shaking fists. Sehun was also shaking. But with his whole body.  "What the hell kind of steroids are you on!?"

"Do you  _ reaaaallly _ wanna test me right now?" Baekhyun yelled, actually yelled, not thinking of the attention he might draw. He only had one thing on his mind--vengeance. "It's not 'borrowing.' It's theft. It's _fucking_ theft!"

Their supervisor burst in through the door, instantly crushing Baekhyun's livid reaction. He had forgotten she was visiting that day. "What's going on in here!?"   


He drew in a long, slow breath. "Sehun has been taking food that's not his, ma'am.”

"Is that true, Sehun?”

Sehun, embarrassed, made his way down to the ground. His gaze was directed that way as well. 

"I always replace it..." Now Sehun sounded sad. And soft. Like he hadn't just been taunting Baekhyun. _And to think I once felt bad about my treatment of you…_   


"Does exchanging a Tesla with a beat-up Honda count as replacing!? Cuz then, yeah, I guess you did 'replace' it." 

"Hold the sass, Byun.” Baekhyun also looked embarrassed, now. “This is a serious matter." She turned to Sehun. “How long has this been going on?”

“This is… The third time, ma'am. I'm really sor-”

“Don't apologize to me. Apologize to Baekhyun. Explain why you did it.”

Sehun’s lips parted for a good twenty seconds. “I… I…”

Their supervisor sounded more stern, now. “Sehun.”

“Sometimes I forget stuff. And sometimes I don't have the time to buy anything until later. So… I… Thought it would be fine to just… borrow…?”

“It's not. If you continue to do so, you'll be fired.” 

Sehun shut his mouth. Nodded. Nodded again. For once, he seemed to realize the seriousness of the situation. “I understand. It won't happen again.”

She turned to Baekhyun. “If you need to discuss this further, let me know. I can arrange a meeting, with just you and I, or with all three of us.”

“I don't think that will be necessary, Jung.” Baekhyun gave the briefest smile. “Thank you.”

She exited the room. The room seemed to hold all absence of sound. All absence of friendly behavior. 

Sehun chose to break the silence first, for Baekhyun had merely been spacing out the farthest window. 

“I'm really sorry, Baekhyun, I've been so stressed, I--”

“I don't want to hear it, Sehun.” He tiredly brushed past the stammering man, not stopping even after Sehun’s words became more clear and desperate. “I don't have much of my lunch break left. I need to go buy something.” 

“Wait! I left something for you in the fridge; can you at least--”

_ Squeak.  _

The door shut, quietly. Baekhyun was done being angry. He didn't want to deal with it at the moment.

He returned, later, once he'd calmed down some. He was curious as to what exactly Sehun had left him.

_ A moldy bread roll, no doubt. _

There was a baby blue piece of paper, wrapped around something that had to be… incredibly small. He slowly lifted it up, opening it, trying not to let his judgment jump the gun as always. Even if he felt he had the right to do so.

There was a twenty resting on top of hurriedly scrawled words. Many of them. 

“This must be a mistake…”

**Sorry. Starving. Forgot food. Buy yourself a better meal, with this? Hope this makes up for the expired ranch, haha. Forgot to check expiration date. Typical me, huh? (sorry!!!) **

Baekhyun held the contents in his palm for a minute or so, wondering if this gesture was, in fact, existent in real life rather than some oddly designed dream.

The bill was lifted closer to his eyes. 

_ Yup. It's real. _

For just as odd of a reason, Baekhyun couldn't seem to figure out why he was hit with a sudden feeling of guilt. 

_ Why? Why should I be at fault for his mistakes? He didn't even seem apologetic at first.  _

Maybe… because… it was finally clear that while Oh Sehun was an idiot, he was (overall) a well-intentioned one, and Baekhyun made sure to remind himself that you could never truly understand someone else's life, issues, and motivations. He could just be having a shitty, shitty day… not that that's an excuse… 

Maybe a talk  _ would _ be necessary. But just between the two of them.

  
  


~~~

  
  


Baekhyun hadn't been expecting Sehun to open up that easily. He wondered how long it had been since he'd vented to someone, but decided it was best not to worry about that. 

Either way, he (somewhat) understood (but did not excuse) Sehun’s behavior, and Sehun understood that he should--and could--handle it better. 

Ultimately, their work environment had shifted to a more cordial one. While they continued to have sassy interactions, there was no malice behind it, and it instead fostered the connection between them.

Baekhyun assured Sehun that his younger siblings were welcome at the company daycare or even in the office at any time, and Sehun assured Baekhyun that he was budgeting better and preparing more meals for himself ahead of time. Nevertheless, there was still a great deal of stress involved, and thus, Baekhyun did his best to negate that. 

“Oh, Sehun!” _ A request as soon as he stepped in?  _ That was never a good sign as to how the day would turn out. “There's an important package in the breakroom for you. Please open it immediately.” 

Sehun shot Baekhyun a bewildered look--it was normally him that sorted packages--but otherwise didn't question it. “Okay, thanks!”

He did as requested, opening with care after noting the ‘fragile’ label. 

As soon as the flaps folded away from each other, white fluff popped up, and a “prrrh?” sound filled his ears.

“Ba...by?” 

Two paws perched on the rim of the box, an indignant meow following. He assumed that meant the kitten was unhappy, and promptly picked her up to assess her needs.

Just that simple action was enough to calm her, and she snuggled up on his shoulder, giving his neck a few sleepy licks.

“Oh, my God…”

“Like her?” 

Sehun turned, and with the action, the cat's head perked up as well. “I… am I allowed to have her in here?” His voice was small, and worried.

“Of course. Company-approved therapy cat. Although, she  _ is  _ yours, if you'd like her to be.”

A nod. Another lick or two (from the cat to Sehun, of course). 

From Baekhyun's viewpoint, this was his first prank on Sehun. Of course, the younger did not see it that way. He saw the gesture as the most thoughtful of gifts. Nevertheless, when Sehun did not ‘prank’ him back in return, Baekhyun took it upon himself to kick it up a level or two. 

On Tuesday, it was time for everyone to sport mustaches (Baekhyun couldn't believe he got his co-workers to join in on it) and for a good twenty minutes, Sehun had no reaction whatsoever.

Then, once his drowsy state was done with, he stared at Baekhyun's upper lip for the entire five minutes that they talked together. 

“Since when did you…”

“Since always.”

Sehun still appeared to be a bit thrown off, but accepted the response to be accurate. However, he almost crumpled the handful of letters he had been delivering once he spotted Jongin with an even thicker, curlier mustache as he walked by. 

“What the…” 

“Excuse me?” Jongin did a full 180 in his chair. He truly did look offended. He even set down his drawing pencil. “Got something you wanna say to my face?” 

“Uh…” 

“Yeah, got something you wanna say to his face?” Luhan backed him up, and soon Sehun was looking from one to the other, left to right, complete and utter shock on his open lips.

“No…?”

Sehun was soon going desk to desk under the guise of letter-delivering (he also did that, but not everyone had one) to examine each person's face. And every single one of them had a mustache that had not been there the day before.

Or…  _ were  _ they there already!?

“Oh Sehun!”

An even more wide-eyed than before Oh Sehun straightened up and turned to face Byun Baekhyun. Who now inexplicably seemed to have the beginnings of a beard on his chin. 

“I know we're a real handsome crew, but you need to stop slacking off.” 

_ What was going on. _

Baekhyun's second mistake was that his prank was not clearly organized by him specifically. Surely that's why Sehun didn't bother to retaliate?

Baekhyun didn't already have another idea in place, and he didn't exactly want to Google any.  _ Let's at least  _ start  _ original. _

“Hey, Jongin, go tell Sehun that I was the one to do the mustache thing.”

A blank stare.

“Please?”

“Okay.” A bored Jongin was not too difficult to convince, as long as he wasn't in the middle of one of his art projects. So, really, there was almost a 50% chance of success.

He came back only a minute later, returning to his work without a word. Baekhyun cleared his throat not-so-subtly.

“So…? What did he say?”

“Oh.” Jongin tapped his pencil on his cheek a few times. “That's what he said.”

“He said ‘oh’?”

“No, he said nothing.”

“Oh.” Baekhyun didn't bother fending off the incoming disappointment. He thought it had been funny.

“Then again, he was fixing something and had a screwdriver in his mouth.”

_ How sanitary. _

Baekhyun decided to take the week to come up with something that would not  _ fail  _ to get Sehun's approval and an action in response.

However, on the third day, his plans were interrupted.

_ Are you  _ fucking KIDDING  _ me!?  _

His lunch.

His lunch was gone again.

No, no, no. Not  _ all  _ of it. Just his chips. And his fork. And his… napkins?

“I could just get a paper towel from the sink that's  _ literally  _ two steps away, you know.”

“I know.” Sehun carefully cupped the back of Baekhyun’s hand, moving slowly in his approach as to give Baekhyun time to withdraw. He pressed a note into his palm.

“Scavenger hunt.” A wink. A not-so-perfectly executed fingergun. And then Baekhyun was left with the paper, and only half of his lunch.

“I don't have time for this!” He complained, loudly, even though he knew Sehun couldn't hear him at this point. He could have sworn the man still laughed, though. He did have a similar name to Satan, after all. 

Thankfully, the supposed riddles were rather simple, and at each additional riddle, there was some sort of cute figure, or piece of candy, or little origami animal. 

Baekhyun paused to smile at the pink and orange patterned fox, the paper delicate and painstakingly folded. After ten minutes, he found the “treasure”, which was... Just his belongings, as well as a framed photo of Sehun posing with Beebee, the fluffy white cat. In the background was an unsuspecting Baekhyun, fake mustache and beard stubble and all. To top it off, he was even captured mid-sneeze. 

_ Are you fucking kidding me.  _

He actually voiced it this time, which won him a genuine laugh of great volume. Sehun was again behind him. How was this clueless guy so sneaky!? 

“Let the prank wars begin.” Sehun held his hand out, and Baekhyun followed suit, palm up, for some reason expecting another note. Sehun gently turned it, sliding their hands together in a way that seemed slightly too intimate for the usual handshake. 

Baekhyun grinned up at the other. 

_ Get ready, because you'll be getting lots of selfies even worse than that one. _

~~~

** _SIX MONTHS LATER_ **

As Sehun stepped inside, he expected to be met with a mix of wonder and accomplishment. That fresh new book smell rolled into a ball with pride at its center. 

Instead, he was met with a room that was completely empty other than a desk decorated with one single, huge platter of Jello. He moved closer to get a better take on what exactly was going on… 

He took it back. There  _ were _ things other than a desk and Jello. In fact, there were  _ many _ things. And all of them were secure in a semi-solid state.

He shook his head, immediately backtracking out of his new office and calling out: “Jello?  _ Rea _ lly!?”

“I don't know what you're talking about.” Baekhyun responded, ever so calmly as he lingered ever so casually in the same hall (he had surely been there the entire time). 

Sehun braced himself just as casually (if not more so) against the doorframe. His doorframe. “The Office is your favorite show; of fucking course it was you.” 

Baekhyun leaned back against the opposite wall, and raised Sehun a folding of his arms. “And why do you know what my favorite show is, again?”

Sehun faltered the slightest bit, a hint of pink lining his cheekbones. “Because… you never stop talking. Especially about yourself.”

Baekhyun gasped. Now it was getting personal. “I guess maybe I should retract my invitation, then~” He shot back, smugly.

Now Sehun faltered completely obviously. “Invi...tation?”

Baekhyun’s flirty bantering persona slipped right away. “Ye...ah… Oh! I better… catch up on some things…”

Before Sehun could blink all cutely and confusedly, Baekhyun was heading away from him. Feeling as if he missed something of great importance, Sehun decided to investigate the Jello situation further. He circled around to the other side of the desk, and it was then that he saw the note tucked underneath the gelatinous monstrosity. 

**Hey, HR. That stands for Horrible Reasoner, right? Hungry Robber? Haha~**

**Jokes aside, congrats on your new position! Maybe we can put our prank war on hold and celebrate after work today? **

The time and location followed. 

He rushed to Baekhyun's office, reaching it before the man could even sit down. 

“Like a date?”

“If that's what you want.” But he was smiling. 

“Are you sure you didn't put all of me in Jello, too?” Sehun asked, softly, his gaze just as gentle yet not lacking in intensity. 

“Nah, but I can, if you're into that.” 

Sehun wrinkled his nose. “Nah, but I'm into you, so I guess I can handle it.” 

“Hmm… We'll see if you can handle me.” Baekhyun said, completely seriously, already redirecting his gaze elsewhere. Booting up his PC. 

_ He's too good at acting nonchalant. _

Sehun just stared.

“Oh, yeah, and don't worry. I packed enough food for both of us--” That sweet, teasing smile...

“--aaaand your computer’s in the bathroom.” 

When Sehun finished organizing his office, he took the note into his hand and read it again, his smile growing with each letter his eyes scanned. He got the sudden urge to turn it, and his smile left much more rapidly than it had arrived.

**I know how much you like to help people. I know you always have the best intentions at heart, and that, despite your cluelessness, you have been doing your best to consider other people, always. Your observation skills are improving, haha! Remember my mustache? That I've always had? Anyways. Your cluelessness is cute, but you're more than that. I know that will become even more obvious in this position ^-^ p.s. mouse is in bottom left drawer lol (along with something else) **

Sehun hadn't even noticed he was missing a mouse, but that was the least of his concerns. To know that Baekhyun's perspective on him had changed, and that he himself had actually changed was something that gave him even greater pride than any promotion could. 

He slid open the drawer, which had been cracked open in the first place. Inside it was a mouse, sure, but there was also a cat. Beebee was curled up on a soft purple blanket, which was tilted at a suspicious angle by her feet. Pulling back the fabric revealed the slightest view of some sort of photo frame. 

After gently lifting Beebee into his arms, he was able to see the whole thing.

Him, holding his sweet kitten just the same as we was now. Except he was kissing her cheek in the photograph. And in the photograph, Baekhyun was in front of them, blowing a kiss to the camera.

With that same strong smile as before, Sehun set the frame on his desk and settled into his chair, Beebee still nestled against his chest.

Sure, work was on his mind. So was the pic(date)nic. But what was most on his mind?

How he was going to get Baekhyun next. 


End file.
